World Harvest Church > Pastoral References > The Secrets of Happy Living
| How to Handle Differences, Disappointment, Disagreement and Correction |
What is meekness? And what does it have to do with my happiness?
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5 NKJV).
• The word meek in the original Greek meant “breaking something and bringing it under submission”. The word was used to describe the training of valuable horses, which were brought under submission of their master. A stallion still has all the power and strength of its wild days, but it was now under its master’s control. Meekness means power under control.
• So, what has it to do with being happy? Let me paraphrase Matthew 5:5 – Jesus said, “Happy are you if you don’t react to what people say and do, and the world is yours to take”
1. Handle differences
God made us different, not only in the way we look, but also in our temperaments, values, interests and many other areas. When two different persons stay together or work together, chances are they will have a personality clash. Let us give understanding and not be demanding when relating with people who are different from us.
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness" (Philippians 2:4-7 NIV).
• How do you treat people who are different from you? Are you being very rude when people don’t seem to understand what you want? Are you being very demanding or does your countenance drop when people have a different value from yours? Are you easily offended when someone can’t agree with what you say or believe?
• All these point to one area - self-centeredness – only when things are done in my way, the way I like it, the way I think is right, then it is acceptable.
• Sometimes, self-centeredness can come in the disguise of – I want to uphold a higher value.
2. Handle disappointment
Disappointment happens when someone didn’t live up to our expectations. We react and feel disappointed when we see the weakness of those in leading position. At times, we also feel disappointed when our followers do not live up to the way we want them to be even when we have poured our life into them sacrificially. We feel disappointed when those who we call friends can’t give us the companionship that we desire.
"Noah became a farmer and planted a vineyard. When he drank wine made from his grapes, he became drunk and lay naked in his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, looked at his naked father and told his brothers outside. Then Shem and Japheth got a coat and, carrying it on both their shoulders, they walked backwards into the tent and covered their father. They turned their faces away so that they did not see their father's nakedness" (Genesis 9:20-23 NCV).
• When someone disappoints you, be gentle and not judgmental. Happiness comes when you can accept people who have not attained your level of perfection. They don't have to reach up to your standards to be loved. God loves us when we were still sinners. Knowing this and understanding this will help you to accept those who disappointed you.
"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted" (Galatians 6:1 NIV).
• How do you react when somebody messes up his life? Do you get excited about it and say, "I told you so! Just as I predicted! Only a fool would have done that. That is the result of not listening to my advice." Do you have a secret sense of satisfaction when other people blow it?
• Meekness is when people disappoint you, you are gentle, tender hearted and do not quickly point finger at their faults.
• The one thing that angered Jesus the most, more than anything else in life, was self righteous religious people who were always judging others.
3. Handle disagreement
Have you ever disagreed with people? Or are you always trying to please everybody by avoiding disagreement? You will be miserable if you live your life trying to please everybody. The fact is you can't please everyone in life.
• The test of maturity is how you handle disagreeable people, people who irritate you, people who like to contradict you, people who like to get in arguments and like to quarrel with you.
"A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger" (Proverbs 15:1 NCV).
• When facing disagreement, you have three alternatives: 1.You can retreat in fear – “I don’t want to argue, have your way”, 2.You can attack in anger – fight back, be sarcastic, or 3.You can respond in love – a gentle answer.
• Facing disagreement with meekness means to respond to disagreement in a gentle, loving way. We can disagree but not end up arguing if we respond with meekness. Meekness doesn’t mean you compromise your convictions, being passive, let people step all over you. You can be gentle yet holding fast to the truth.
• When facing disagreement: 1. Never trust your first reaction – that is to defend yourself, 2. Admitting that you may be wrong. If a person says something that you think is wrong – yes, even when you know it is wrong, it is fine to answer: “Well, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently make mistakes too. If I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts.” This is a gentle answer. Nobody on earth will object to your saying: “I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts.” It just disarms all hostility and inspires your opponent to be as fair and open minded as you do. When the communication line is open, hear your opponent complain, look for area that you can agree on first. Apologize for your mistakes. Thank your opponent for being sincere, promise to think over his ideas carefully and postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.
• Meekness is learning to disagree agreeably. Meekness is being able to walk hand in hand without seeing eye to eye.
“A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth" (2 Timothy 2:24-25 NLT)..
• The word of God instructs us not to quarrel but be kind to everyone and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who disagree and put our hope in God that He will give them a change of heart.
4. Handle correction
Meekness also means you are teachable. When someone corrects your mistake, how do you respond? Especially if they are people close to you like your mate, how would you react? Do you get uptight and defensive?
• No matter how far we have achieved in life, we don’t know it all. Everyone God puts around you can teach you something. We all have different experiences. Everyone is ignorant, just on different subjects.
• Do you realize you can learn from your enemies? Your biggest critics often help you out the most ? unintentionally. They may mean to hurt you but God can use that criticism to teach you and make you more sensitive in a certain area even though they have a wrong motive for it. There is a famous saying that when life throws you lemons, make lemonade.
"A person who refuses correction will end up poor and disgraced, but the one who accepts correction will be honored" (Proverbs 13:18 NCV).
5. Spirit of POWER, LOVE and SELF-CONTROL
Meek people control their reaction toward life. To retaliate is to react. When you say, "They make me mad!" you are admitting that they are controlling your emotions. The moment that you start retaliating, start seeking revenge, start trying to get even, you give up control of your life. You are no longer in control. You are reacting, not acting. That's a position of weakness.
• What determines your emotions? Can you control your own emotions or does somebody else? It's your choice.
• Jesus promised, "Happy are the people who can control their reactions, for they will inherit the earth."
• What does "inherit the earth" mean? You'll be in control of your situation. The world is yours. The person who has self-control of his emotions owns the world. He controls the situation because he's not controlled by it. If you are a meek person, you are no longer a victim. You control your choices.
"For the Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, His Spirit fills us with power, love, and self-control" (2 Timothy 1:7 Good News).
• The secret of controlling your reaction is letting God's Spirit fill your life moment by moment. He'll break all those bad habits, all those patterns of reacting, all those old ways of being negative, defensive, reacting in fear, in anger, in sarcasm. He can break all those old patterns in your life and fill your life with power, love and self control.
• Meekness is power controlled by love. This is the happy, relaxed, stress reduced type of life style. Things don't fluster you because you're in control of your reactions even though you can't control the situation.
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