Opposites attract, but when it comes to stability in marriage, it is the similarities, not the differences, that bind the marriage. Too many differences can destroy a relationship. Many enter into a relationship believing that love can conquer all regardless of what the reality says only to regret later of their bad decision. So before you commit yourself to a relationship, let us look at what is compatibility. Compatibility is a capability to live together harmoniously or the ability to get along and work along well with one another.
1. Significant age difference
What does age have to do with choosing a right mate? Isn't maturity more important than age? Yes and no. You may have someone who is young in age but mature in thinking, but generally, the older you are the more experiences you accumulate and the wiser you become.
Age differences can affect a marriage, if the age gap is too far apart. We change psychologically, physically, emotionally as we enter into different age group. There will be change of interest, recreation activities and friends, and the tendency of the older one to mother or father over the younger partner. Some may enjoy being taken care of, especially those who are unconscious of looking for a father or mother figure in their lives. But in the long run, resentment may set in as the need for equal partnership and companionship is not fulfilled.
2. Different Spiritual Convictions
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3 (NKJV)
Bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked. Many overlook the aspect of spiritual conviction when enter into a relationship. Some may give the excuse “I will lead my mate to Christ.” Although some do lead the potential mates to Christ, the reverse is also true – they may cause you to stumble spiritually. Before marriage, both parties usually try to tolerate their differences in spiritual conviction to woo or please one another. Once they become husband and wife, similarities in spiritual interests and belief become extremely important. A peak is reached when the children come into the picture and a decision must be made about their spiritual instruction.
Liz married to a Jehovah's Witness. Since her husband didn't object her attending church, everything seemed fine in the beginning. It was a shock to her when their daughter had a surgery and her husband refused to approve the blood transfusion she needed
Mary married to a liberal free thinker. She got pregnant a few months after their wedding. Due to the financial constrain, her husband wanted her to abort the child as this was not in his financial plan. Mary felt perplexed as she strongly believed that abortion is murder.
Your spiritual belief system encompasses every aspect of your life. It influences your choice of recreation, entertainment and music, observing Sunday Praise Celebration, smoking and drinking etc. Consider the items listed below prayerfully before you enter into a relationship:
- Spiritual leadership at home
- What role the church will play in you and your partner's life.
- Attitude towards and relationship with God
- Beliefs and doctrines
- Tithe and giving
- Practicing of spiritual gifts
- Your calling as a believer of Christ.
3. Different culture, ethnicity or educational background
To a certain extent, a healthy relationship is based on the cultural value you share with your partner (family value, appearance, eating habits, personal hygiene, how money is handled, etc). Too big a difference will create too much tension, and create more hurdles for building a happy relationship. If you are serious about entering into a steady relationship with someone, it is wise to visit his or her family and observe the differences and ask yourself “Will I be able to accept these differences?” and discuss with your partner later on how both of you can adjust to one another's culture.
Cross-racial couples may face more difficulties like disapproval from family members, relatives and friends. Whenever there is a weakening of the couple's support system, there is additional stress placed on the marriage. This is a real fact one must face if he/she wants to have a cross-racial marriage.
Difference in educational pursuit and carrier goals or level can also cause stress in the marriage. If one wants to pursue a higher degree or professional training, there will be changes in time and lifestyle. The one with a higher degree will grow to be dissatisfied with the lack of self-improvement in the spouse when his/her social circle changes due to the carrier change. This is quite common when the wife works so that the husband can advance his professional training. When it is the wife who chooses to go on, the husband may resent the elevated status of her new career or the fact that she now earns more money than he does.
After consider all these points, ask yourself a question: “Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with this person even if he/she will never change from the way he/she is now?”
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