I suppose you'd expect to enter into a relationship and dream of having a perfect marriage. You may think since we are Christian, we should reflect the likeness of Christ and things should be perfect.
If that is what you imagine, you are going to be disappointed! You can aim to have a wonderful relationship -- but as far as a perfect marriage, well, there's no such thing.
In order for you to have a wonderful relationship in your marriage, it must be centered on Christ, specifically focused on glorifying God. Couples remain committed to each other because they remain committed to Christ and His work within them.
No easy road
During the first one or two years of a marriage, it's not unusual for couples to float through their marriage in a love-blinded bliss.
But, for some it didn't happen. In fact, many are ready to throw in the towel when they finally see the real self of who they are married to. Many Asian couples stay together because of their children. When their children grow older and leave home, the couples would suddenly feel alienated with one another.
After getting married, many couple discovered that they are like compass, as opposite in nature as two people could be. They view life from two different angles and argue over just about everything. This is what happened to me and my husband.
The single factor that kept our married in those early years was that we agreed on one thing: divorce would never be an option for us. You can't entertain the thought even for just a little bit, or eventually one of you will try to escape. We love one another dearly yet at times we felt so frustrated with our differences. By the grace of God and much godly advice from books, God helped us not only to accept our differences, but to appreciate them.
Through the process, we learned that any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and evangelism.
In other words, until you realize you and your mate are placed together for these five biblical foundations, your marriage will be difficult, complicated, and exhausting. But once you understand God's plan, your marriage takes on new meaning.
Balancing biblical foundations
There are five biblical foundations you should keep balanced in your marriage:
1. You and your spouse are both planned for God's pleasure - worship.
A religious lawyer once asked Jesus, "What's the most important commandment?" Jesus replied, "I can summarize the entire Bible in two statements: Love God whole heartedly, and love people fervently!" (Matthew 22:34-40). That includes your spouse.
Life is about relationships, not achievements (I learn it the hard way, as I was one who was driven by achievements). You worship God when you love and sacrifice for your spouse (just read through Romans 12 with a view of what its applications would mean to your marriage). That brings pleasure to God, and any time you give pleasure to God, you're worshiping him.
2. You and your spouse are formed for God's family - fellowship.
Sad to say, after getting married, many couples just concentrate on their marriage and leave out God's family. God instituted marriage so that we can learn to serve one another and strengthen one another to serve God's big family.
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst" Matthew 18:20 (NAS).
So if both you and your spouse are believers and make God the center of your marriage, God is already working to transform the two of you for His purpose.
Your marriage is a lab for learning how to love like Jesus loves. Where can you find a better place for you to develop a true intimacy and genuineness with another human being other than in your marriage?
To go this deep, it requires genuine, heart-to-heart, gut-level sharing, where you and your spouse get honest about who you are and what's happening in your lives. This happens when you both are willing to open up and share your hurts, reveal your feelings, confess your failures, disclose your doubts, admit your fears, acknowledge your weaknesses, and ask each other for help and prayer.
What you practice in your home will reflect your public service in the house of God.
3. You and your spouse are both created to become like Christ -discipleship.
God uses your spouse to build His values, attitudes, and character within you.
Once you understand this, a lot of what happens within your marriage will begin to make more sense. When you start to ask, "Why is this happening to me?" The answer is -- to mold you into the likeness of Jesus!
God wants us to be like Jesus, so what better way could He use than the marriage relationship? The best person for God to use to sand your sharp edges is the person you live with seven days a week? God is using each of you to shape the other person more and more into the image of Jesus. A word of caution here, don't feel good that you irritate one another, thinking that you are helping God to do His job. He does not need your help. Remember, you are also the vessel that He is molding. The purpose of molding is not that you irritate one another but you learn to accept one another.
4. You and your spouse are both shaped for serving God – ministry.
" For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. " Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
God shapes us for ministry through a variety of methods. Difficulties you face in your marriage are one of the ways God use to shape you into an effective minister to others. Who could better help somebody recover from the pain of adapting to change, a business failure, or a difficult child than a couple who has been through these things and emerged with godly insights?
Could it be that the part of your marriage you regret or resent most -- that which you've wanted to hide or forget -- is the very thing God wants to use as your ministry to help and encourage others who share the same struggle? When we surrender our lives to God, every area of our lives - our strengths, our weaknesses, and even our failures is a useful tool in the hand of God. Think about Joseph, David, Hannah and others in the Bible. None of them were perfect, yet the Lord used them – their strength and weakness for His purpose.
5. You and your spouse are both made for evangelism.
Your marriage not only involves ministry to the believer. It also involves mission – your service to those who yet to know Christ. This may take many forms, from being a witness in your neighborhood to going overseas on mission trips together. The fact is, if you want God's blessing on your marriage, then you must care about what God cares most. And what is closer to the heart of God other than the lost souls being saved? (See John 3:16).
Marriage teaches and prepares us to see the needs of another person as more important than your own. It's a difficult transition because all of us are born and taught to be self-centered. To think this way requires an intentional shift that can be made only through the power of God in your life. Don't focus on the sacrifice, look at the reward. It will be greater than anything you could ever imagine. God's plan for your marriage is wider and deeper than anything in your wildest, craziest dreams. May our heavenly Father help open the eyes of your heart to catch this vision as you venture into the future. |